My apologies to Max and whomever else I ripped this joke off of:

Q:What do people say when they run into people they know in Ojai?




A: This town blows.

Tomorrow marks ten years since I was hit by a truck. Par-tay.

Me, taking Max's hand: Max, what ever happened to that date you were going to take me on?
Max, irritated: I don't have a car. Plus I'm campused. Gosh!
Me, plaintively: We could take a walk down below. Maybe by the grotto?
Max, horrified, sensing that that's too serious for a first date, slowly pulls his hand from mine.
Maggie, frightenedly: Don't go to the grotto! It's haunted!
Me, dismissively: Only by MARY! That's ok.
Maggie shakes her head with a knowing air: Nope. Mary's got some visitors.

Those of you who have seen me in the last week need not read this, as I've already talked your ear off about it. I was inspired. I had a dream*... I invented (or so I thought) People Chess, and the 2 finalists in the tourney will be playing this from the library balcony w/ a megaphone, shouting out their moves to the people below on the field, who will be sitting on the giant chess board, reading seminar or what have you. The white players will wear white plastic aprons & the black pieces will wear garbage bags & when you're commanded to take a piece, you pull a ketchup pack out of your pocket, rip it open, and squirt the conquered piece. I already have 50 people signed up.

*A "dream" in the Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. sense, i.e., a vision of hope for the future, as opposed to a real dream. I haven't had a real dream about chess yet. Although it's just a matter of time. My dreams usually, surprisingly, are not representative of my daily cares and thoughts. I did have a dream last night about edible clothing made from fruit roll-ups. It didn't end well.

How to Ace your Don Rags

1. Show up with books from all your classes. Better yet, show up late, and be really immersed in one of the books, preferably the reading for whatever class you're doing lousiest in, and feel your way slowly to the seat, keep reading, let your eyes get real big, whistle as you close the book, shake your head around to snap back into reality, and say, "Whoa, that was intense."
2. I'm out of ideas.