Just wanted to let everyone know I'm still alive- I'll blog a lot more during the school year. A bit bummed out cuz I realized my chances of getting into UVA are about 1 in 100. Average GPA for their last incoming law class was 3.63. Mine is about 3.1. Average LSAT is 168, which is in the 98th percentile, so unless I pull about a 175, it's off to Ave Maria for me. Sigh. Can't wait to see everyone! I know the summer's almost over b/c every year around this time I have dreams about going back to school, except in my dreams I end up going back to high school & I can't figure out why exactly & no one will tell me & I just feel indignant that once again I'm wearing a plaid uniform skirt and I want to run amuck.

Wow! It's been a long time. I'm on the library computer b/c there's a guy who comes into the pharmacy all the time in a wheelchair and he gave me a computer disc w/ law school stuff that he made me swear to look at and I think it gave my computer a virus. Bastard. Probably uses his wheelchair to gain trust and sympathy.
Anyway, my summer's going dandy. My lawyer got a continuance and hopefully the court date will be in the fall. He sent me the police reports wherein I discovered that they LIED!!!!!! They said they pulled me over for failing to dim my headlights to oncoming traffic.
1. There WAS NO oncoming traffic.
2. They never said ANYTHING about dimming headlights. All they said was "Do you know where the guy who owns the truck is? No one's in the car and there's blood on the floor." That's when Josh lied and that's when they decided to make me walk heel to toe.
Just trying to cover their backs. Jeesh. Lies make baby Jesus cry.

Unbelievable. To think that That Anonynous College actually thinks theyhave the right to threaten someone w/ not letting him/her back b/c of a DUI and rumors of what they consider to be excessive Hilltop attendance. No rules broken, just "we think you have a problem." Anyway, of course I'll be back in August, so don't fret. I got my first IFVCHPA donation today! Yay! Follow suit, you stingy bastards! Well, I'll be flying in June 14th for my court date. Any volunteers to pick me up at LAX? Call me. 703 569-6865

I am fundraising for the Impecunious Female Victims of California Highway Patrol Aggression (or the IFVCHPA, as you might know it), and funds are low. The current case we're working on is a very unfortunate young lady who's going to be paying about 3-4K and might even be in big trouble with her school. She has already quit drinking and smoking totally (5 days now) and is very determined to never again require the services we provide here at the IFVCHPA. Please be generous. As always, donations are 100% tax-deductible and earn you brownie points with God. I'll be flying out to CA next month on business, so hopefully I'll see some of you there.
Donations may be sent to:

IFVCHPA , Inc.
8105 Kenova Lane
Springfield, VA 22153

*Oh, and don't make checks out to IFVCHPA; just leave that part blank. Thanks.

I've been flirting with disaster for so long and so recklessly that, overcome with temptation, it pounced on me.
4:30 a.m., Saturday morning:
"Donny? This is Pat Carter. We have a situation. Klaske totalled his truck, Claire's in jail, Josh Clarke's wandering down the 150 being stalked by a gang of Mexicans, and I'm stranded at the Stein with Bernadette Couglin. Can you help us?"

Ridiculormque?!?

Last seminar as a junior (God, let's hope!) tonight. It was on the sonnets, so i knew it wasn't going to be good. What's that, something in my eye, you say? You don't like the sonnets? No! I do & that's the point. What I don't like is dissecting poetry, discussing it, analyzing it. Mr Baer said that if you write something beautiful you have a moral obligation to share it with others. Nonsense! Then other people (the ones who always latch onto whatever he says & run w/ it) started trying to support that but even Mr Baer was saying that their arguments were silly. Sometimes I think he says ridiculous things just to see who would side with him. He was smirking. Apparently Mr Baer never had a secret garden that no one in the world knew about that he could crawl into and revel in his hidden delight. I guess I never really did either, not literally anyway, but I saw its appeal. We all need our little secret delights, if for no other reason than to have a refuge from a sometimes suffocating life. I'm antcipating Neoteronous disagreeing w/ me for disagreeing w/ Baer, given his (Danny's) insights ( and very profound and true ones at that) into the nature of love and its eccentricity. I maybe am not making sense, but so what- it's my blog!!! te-hee-hee. haven't slept more than 6 hours total the last 3 nights. Today's 05-05-05! The next time that happens we'll all be long gone. I'm gonna get some sleep now.

I awoke this morning in the Strauss House for the last time.

"April is the cruellest month..."

....unless you're living at the Hilltop! Great bar. Dive bar. Great dive bar. I'm on a first-name basis with the regulars: Elliot, Bob, Lonny, Rodger, and who can forget the world's best bartender, Big Al? It's the new hot-spot for post-defense schnockery. And it's burning a hole through my wallet. Oh well; I'm getting back $1253 from Unkie Sam so I'm not too worried.
"Daddy" Josh Clark's defense was yesterday. McArthur kept trying to trip him up about reconciling Socrates' and Stotle's views of incontinence, you know, pretending he didn't know what Josh was saying and then very obviously trying to set traps. There was a fair amount of tittering, what with all the old men talking about being incontinent, but I think we behaved ourselves pretty well. As we were walking up to the commons to prepare our stomachs for the Hilltop (formerly known as "eating dinner") I told Daddy that out of all the defenses thus far, his was one of the most, what's the word?, I asked. Stimulating? suggested John Almeida. Yes stimulating, I said. It stimulated me to the point of incontinence.

Does anyone know where (in the De Anima I assume) that 'Totle says that the human soul is immortal? I need it for my paper. Many thanks. On a side note, see the 1982 version of the Scarlet Pimpernel. I watched it every day for about a week until I realized it wasn't good for me. It's more addictive than Marian's artificial intelligence link, which, granted, is consuming. Plus it's got Ian Mckellan (the good wizard from LOTR) and a young and very beautiful Jane Seymour, and, most importantly, Anthony Andrews (Sebastian from Brideshead Revisited). Yum yum.

these theseses

Rachel Gray got double-d for her saucy little explanation of why a state cannot secede; Patty-Mac got a little flustered but wound up doing a decent job of discussing why Raskolnikov, typifying the modern man, can (or, was) only be saved through love..... but I think the most entertaining was Big John Almeida's showdown with Berquist. John said that Aristotle should've had some account of the ecosystem in the part of the Physics that says nature acts for an end. Berquist said "He discussed it plenty in Parts of Animals. Did you read that?" Silence. Finally, "No. But he should have said it, or at least alluded to it in this part of the Physics." Ok. Then Berqusit went on about an oak tree losing acorns, few of which will ever become oaks, but they are still meant to be, per se, oak trees, etc., etc. After the defense, Rosie Finley asked Almeida why he thought Berquist was the only tutor not to shake his hand. "Is it because you were attacking Aristotle?" "No," John replied with a straight face, "It's because I shoved his oak tree analogy ***censored***"

lacrimae

04-04-04.
04-04-05.
Where does the time go?
One year to the day since I've been at my beloved Strauss House. Sigh.

Bourbon Congratulations! You're 113 proof, with specific scores in beer (60) , wine (116), and liquor (43).

Screw all that namby-pamby chick stuff, you're going straight for the bottle and a shot glass! It'll take more than a few shots of Wild Turkey or 99 Bananas before you start seeing pink elephants. You know how to handle your alcohol, and yourself at parties.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: http://is0.okcupid.com/graphics/0.gif">>

Funny Thing....

Well well well. Ok here's the deal. I thought it would be funny to post an April Fool's blog and then add a comment right away that said April Fool's!, but when I tried to post the blog, it said: There were errors. So I tried again. Same thing. By this time I was pissed, so I signed out, signed back in, and rewrote it AGAIN. Then I just gave up. I had no idea they all worked. Hmmm. So, yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, and no, I'm not expelled. I don't do bad things anymore, remember? ( ;

Goodbye

Well, well, well. Spring brings a new tradition my way. Instead of just birds and flowers, it's now expulsion too. Almost one year to the day since the last mess, I get a note to see the dean who tells me that I've been caught doing something very much against the rules. I won't say what; I don't want to scandalize you. So I'm out again, only this time I won't be returning.

My apologies to Max and whomever else I ripped this joke off of:

Q:What do people say when they run into people they know in Ojai?




A: This town blows.

Tomorrow marks ten years since I was hit by a truck. Par-tay.

Me, taking Max's hand: Max, what ever happened to that date you were going to take me on?
Max, irritated: I don't have a car. Plus I'm campused. Gosh!
Me, plaintively: We could take a walk down below. Maybe by the grotto?
Max, horrified, sensing that that's too serious for a first date, slowly pulls his hand from mine.
Maggie, frightenedly: Don't go to the grotto! It's haunted!
Me, dismissively: Only by MARY! That's ok.
Maggie shakes her head with a knowing air: Nope. Mary's got some visitors.

Those of you who have seen me in the last week need not read this, as I've already talked your ear off about it. I was inspired. I had a dream*... I invented (or so I thought) People Chess, and the 2 finalists in the tourney will be playing this from the library balcony w/ a megaphone, shouting out their moves to the people below on the field, who will be sitting on the giant chess board, reading seminar or what have you. The white players will wear white plastic aprons & the black pieces will wear garbage bags & when you're commanded to take a piece, you pull a ketchup pack out of your pocket, rip it open, and squirt the conquered piece. I already have 50 people signed up.

*A "dream" in the Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. sense, i.e., a vision of hope for the future, as opposed to a real dream. I haven't had a real dream about chess yet. Although it's just a matter of time. My dreams usually, surprisingly, are not representative of my daily cares and thoughts. I did have a dream last night about edible clothing made from fruit roll-ups. It didn't end well.

How to Ace your Don Rags

1. Show up with books from all your classes. Better yet, show up late, and be really immersed in one of the books, preferably the reading for whatever class you're doing lousiest in, and feel your way slowly to the seat, keep reading, let your eyes get real big, whistle as you close the book, shake your head around to snap back into reality, and say, "Whoa, that was intense."
2. I'm out of ideas.

Grandma

I think my grandmother is dying, so please pray for her, especially since she's a fallen away Catholic. She's had such a hard life: orphaned at about 10 years old with her little brother. Had to stay in an orphanage for years because her aunt and uncle, who lived in the next town, refused to take them until the state practically forced them. Worked her way through college and married my grandfather, had 3 sons in the span of 5 years, was left by her husband for another woman, had to raise them practically by herself and has been a little crazy ever since. She was on Jeopardy once! Really intelligent, but kinda eccentric. Insists she's part Jewish, but we have our doubts. We found out recently that in her college days she tried to join a Jewish militia camp in the Middle East.....
I haven't kept in touch with her, which kills me, beacuse she's always been so damned proud of me. I didn't even have to do anything. She had breast cancer about 8 years ago and went through chemo but I don't think she's going to make it through this one. It's strange. My grandfathers died so long ago that I sorta took for granted that my grandmothers, I guess, wouldn't.